It's been quite a crazy week! It all started Sunday when my little sister woke up struggling to breathe at about 3 in the morning. We already knew she had a cold, but we weren't expecting it to get that bad. At one point, her lips started turning blue so we immediately knew that she needed to go to the hospital. I had to be the one to sit in the backseat on the way there while my mom drove. Of course, I really didn't want to be the one to go to the hospital considering hospitals= sick people = a lot of vomit = an emetophobe's worst nightmare. However, I was way more worried about my little sister. It was so horrible to see her like that. I remember praying and holding her hand the entire ride there. It was definitely one of the scariest moments of my life.
Thankfully, there was no one in the waiting room so we got to go in the back immediately after arriving. She had a breathing treatment done so she seemed to be doing much better and we were actually getting ready to go back home until the doctor came in and said that she had a mild case of pneumonia. They set up a room for us to stay in so they could continue to check up on her. We didn't get in the room until about 6 that morning so we were all pretty exhausted. Luckily, we were discharged later that day and she was prescribed an antibiotic. By that night, she was back to her normal self! Let me remind you that this all happened on Sunday so I'm just getting started.
Let's fast forward to Wednesday evening. At about 5:00, I decided that my shirt was a little wrinkled so I put it in the dryer with a wet bath cloth (which my mom always says to do) and I left it in there for about 20 minutes. I go in the laundry room to get it out only to find out that it has gigantic wet spots all over it. Apparently, I wet the bath cloth a little too much. At that point, I just ripped the bath cloth out of the dryer and threw my shirt back in there. I knew it was time to go, but I just couldn't deal with that wet shirt feeling. I finally decided to get it out and dry it with a hairdryer which actually worked better than the dryer. So, yes, I was very annoyed that night, but don't worry it gets so much better. I would like to mention that I get embarrassed extremely easily. So, there were a TON of things that happened that I'm still cringing over two days later. It was definitely one of those days that I knew God was testing me, which I'm always grateful for, but sometimes it can be exhausting! Then at the end of the night, people started signing up for the Winter Retreat, which I would love to go to, if it wasn't for my emetophobia!
To be honest, I'm way more terrified by sicknesses than by vomit itself. Like for example, when my sister had morning sickness, it didn't bother me as much because I knew I wouldn't catch it. However, when an illness strikes our home, I am a complete and total mess! Back in February, when we all had a horrible tummy bug, I would literally break down crying because I was in a house full of vomiting people and literally nowhere to go. I, also, found out that vomit creates a mist as the person is vomiting and if you breathe those spores in, congrats, you caught it! You should be hugging the toilet in about 24 to 48 hours!
At that point, I decided I could either wave parenthood goodbye or I could just wave goodbye to my husband ( Good luck, future husband, you're going to need it!) as he takes care of our child/children and I hurry out the door to drive to a hotel across the country (You know, just to be on the safe side.)
Anyway, I know I rambled quite a bit, but I'm just trying to explain why this phobia of mine is keeping from doing things such as going on the Winter Retreat. I mean, what if I start to feel sick? What if someone else gets sick and I catch it? What if I get food poisoning? All these thoughts running through my mind that will probably never happen, but what if they do? Trust me, I know how ridiculous it all sounds to you, but to me it's a very big deal! However, I am incredibly thankful to say that I'm getting treatment for this and I'm hoping to become a normal human being in the next couple of years. I say years because I already know it's going to be a VERY long process for me to "get over" this phobia. I know it's going to be an emotional roller coaster, but I still have faith in God! He's gotten me through so many other fears so I know he will get me through my worst one!
Lots of Love,
Meagan :)
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